This evening President Obama will address a joint session of Congress, the speech which is usually a State of the Union address, except when it’s the president’s first year in office. No one wants to saddle the new guy with having to report on the state of a union he’s just taken charge of.

This year, that’s probably a good thing. Presidents typically include a line that begins, “My fellow Americans, the state of our union is” and concludes with a word falling somewhere between “strong” and “unbelievably awesome.”

Given the events of the last six months – and the pesky wars that insist on intruding into polite company – it would be harder to pull that off with a straight face tonight. Instead, President Obama would probably have to say something like, “The state of our union is…

… kind of crappy.”

… mildly hopey with an 80% chance of change.”

… dependent on Chinese consumers.”

… better than the UK, so that still looks like a good decision.”

… like you the morning after your brother’s wedding.”

… still crazy after all these years.”

… eh.”

Tonight’s speech will be momentous mainly, once again, for the optics: Our first black president striding down the aisle, ascending the podium, and addressing the country with all the majesty Congress can muster.

The meat of the speech won’t be very exciting. According to various reports, the president will reiterate that the economy is a mess, our health care system is a cruel joke, and “tough choices” lie ahead. But, in the words of press secretary Robert Gibbs, President Obama will also channel President Reagan by offering a dose of optimism – a signal that we may soon begin to think about dinner at Applebee’s rather than another night of Ramen.

Bobby Jindal, the whippersnapper governor of Louisiana, will respond shortly after the president finishes speaking and most Americans have turned off their televisions.