It’s Friday. Perhaps you don’t have any social plans this weekend. Perhaps you’d like to find someone special to spend your weekends with. Perhaps Mike Gerson’s been freaking you out.

Podium Pundits is here to help.

Online hooker-upper OkCupid presents a helpful analysis of which words win hearts and which words turn potential lovers cold. Based on 500,000 “first contacts” – the notes sent from an admirer to a fresh target – OkCupid sussed out the words and phrases most likely to lead to success.

What’s most interesting, given that we’re talking about online dating, is that “netspeak=fail.” Among the worst “words” to use in an introductory note are “ur,” “ya,” and “wat.” A victory for proper English.

Also, don’t go overboard on the physical compliments. I guess they come off a little shallow if ur only judging someone based on a picture. OkCupid finds that “sexy,” “beautiful,” and “hot” are sure to be met with a .

Weirdly, “hi” and “hello” are not good ways to start conversations. Instead, try “How’s it going?” or even “howdy” (apparently OkCupid is big in the south).

And the more you’re able to connect to a specific interest of your amour du jour, the more likely you’ll be to hear back. “Band,” “vegetarian,” “physics,” and “tattoo” are hits. Even “grad school” scores above average.

Finally, if you’re interested in connecting to someone who shares your religious beliefs, you should really try JDate, not OkCupid. “Atheist” trounced “God” in response rate. If you must bring up religion, you should be – in order of effectiveness – Christian, Jewish, or Muslim. But if you want to mention a specific God, you’re better off with Allah than Jesus.

(So maybe OkCupid isn’t big in the south.)