NEW YORK — Responding to this morning’s stunning announcement that U.S. President Barack Obama has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig announced that Mr. Obama has also won the 2009 World Series. The remainder of baseball’s playoffs will be canceled.
“I think we all saw when the president threw out the first pitch at this year’s All-Star Game that he has significant potential not just to play professional baseball, but to lead a team to a world championship,” Selig said. “This is a recognition of what would have been a foregone conclusion had President Obama chosen to bring his considerable talents to the ballpark.”
Reaction around the league was mixed. Chase Utley, second baseman for the defending World Series Champion Philadelphia Phillies appeared confused. “Obama is the world f-ing champion?” he asked. “I thought the White Sox missed the playoffs?”
New York Yankees co-owner Hank Steinbrenner praised Selig’s decision and looked to the future. “Obama’s the top guy, no question. Nobody competes the way Obama competes. He’s a winner, pure and simple.”
Steinbrenner then offered the president a $27 million contract to play in pinstripes next season. Obama spokesman Robert Gibbs refused comment on the offer, though a representative of the White House Counsel’s office could be seen furrowing her brow.
Political commentary fell along predictable lines.
Noted conservative columnist and baseball enthusiast George Will remarked that “Mr. Selig’s inscrutable decision debauches the dignity we’ve come to associate with our majestic pastime. He treats baseball as if it were baseborn.”
Interrupted while preparing the “Worst Person in the World” segment for his MSNBC talk show, liberal gadfly and former sportscaster Keith Olbermann said, “President Obama has completely changed the tone and tenor of American life. It’s safe to think rationally again. He’s resurrected American values, and baseball is a core part of the American experience. It just makes sense.”
The president, for his part, expressed shock.
In a statement from the Rose Garden, Mr. Obama said he was humbled, yet again, by the surprise news. “First the Nobel Prize, now the World Series? You like me. You really, really like me.”
Despite the accolades, he joked, his family helps to keep him grounded.
“Malia came in and said, ‘Daddy, you won the Nobel Peace Prize and the World Series. And it’s Bo’s birthday. And don’t think you can ignore Stan McChrystal forever.’ So it’s good to have kids to keep things in perspective.”
As icing on the cake, Chicago Mayor Richard Daley offered to throw Obama a World Series victory parade in the president’s hometown, explaining, “We have a little cash left over after that Olympics thing didn’t pan out.”
No date has been set.
